UPDATE

Things are going well – I’m sleeping well most nights now and I haven’t been drinking alone at all. It feels like just writing about my problems has helped. It doesn’t appear 'sober February' is going to happen but at least I’m remaining social with my drinking. All 3 nights I’ve been out this week have been with family or friends and I haven’t gotten out of control by any means.

I could use a little more structure in my nights but so far I’ve been doing OK.
I was thinking about getting some baseball tickets this year, it would give me something to do at least ½ the time and I won’t drink at the games because it’s too expensive.

If I can do that + find 1 or 2 other nights to keep busy maybe I can get down to a few days a month.

Slowly making progress...

We’ll I’m back. My business trip went pretty well, I didn’t drink too much though the west coast time shift did nothing to help my insomnia. I kept sleeping from 6pm to midnight that going out gambling and having a few drinks until 4-5am than sleeping a bit more.

The time since I’ve returned has been improved so far, I’ve only had one slip up but it wasn’t a night I drove. The past few days I’ve managed to sleep with out pills or booze and I’ve been sleeping A LOT. In fact today I pretty much slept all day today. Partially because I’m tired but also because I really had no reason to get out of bed and that is a bit depressing.

The week ahead should be easy, we’ve been having some bad weather here on the east coast so that should keep me grounded from the bars through the weekend. Also I’ve found some house projects to work on as well.

With February right around the corner I’m considering making a run at a dry month, 28 days of no booze. I think I can do it if I find things to keep my mind occupied. My goal is to get to the point where I can have a drink or two and than just stop. Maybe if I just have 1 glass on wine before bed I can get by.

Overall January isn’t looking too bad. I may have managed to cut down to only drinking 14 out of 31 days. I only drank alone once, and I only drove twice. I also managed to twice to go to a bar for dinner and NOT order a drink. I think that’s huge, not exactly a hallmark moment but it’s a start.

Step in the Right Direction

This week was pretty good, I was twice able to go out and drink socially with out stopping at another bar on the way home or drinking more once I got to the house. I did slip up once of Friday, coming home to take out a 6 pack after a family dinner. Not sure why I did that but by my standards ‘only’ having a 6 pack of domestic beer isn’t that bad. Lesson learned though – I paid the hangover toll from drinking that cheap crap.

I think the key this week was actually drinking socially. Too often I go out alone which leads to talking to no one but the bartender who can’t bring me more drinks fast enough. Tues & Wednesday I went out with friends and spent more time talking than drinking. I left the bar generally happy which seemed to equal not stopping for another drink or FIVE on the way home. Also my favorite bar has changed a good bit of staff leading to me going there much less.

The insomnia is getting a bit better too, still using the sleeping pills but now only every other night. Tonight will be tough; Sundays always are, between the early day football drinking and the Monday work stress I think I’ll always be up (and BLOGGING!)

Next week won’t be easy, as I’ll be traveling for work. Alone in a strange city with a corporate expense account is recipe for disaster. My only saving grace is that I’ll be staying in a casino for most of the trip. Gambling is one of the few things in life I consistently do without drinking. If this place has a poker room I’ll probably stay sober the whole time, though if it’s just a slots barn I’ll be in real trouble.

Sounds crazy but I swear moving to Las Vegas or Atlantic City is the soberest decision I could ever make as long assuming my bank roll stayed intact.

Hopefully I can at least stay dry the next two days before I fly out of town.

About Last Week

I can’t tell you much about last week because I frankly don’t remember it. Not working was a disaster as I expected, I drank every night and my stupid plan to just order drink I don't like didn't work at all. When I woke up on New Year’s Eve I had my first legit craving for a drink in the morning. I resisted but my sleeping is getting horrible.

Without any structure in my week, I passed out and woke up at random hours, when I do sleep the quality is terrible. I end up wandering around the house all night. I tried some sleeping pills on New Year’s Night – the only day this week I didn’t drink and they didn’t work very well. Even after taking a double dose it still took me 2 ½ hours to fall asleep. I woke up twice during the night, once to eat and once around 8am. I forced myself back to sleep until 10am, which was the only quality sleep I felt like I got.

This week it's back to work, god forbid I ever lose my job. I have 10 days until a business trip, it would be nice to stay dry for those 10 days but shit is already starting to pop up. I’m hoping to start filling my life with more evening activities to keep me from going home and hitting the bottle. This week will probably be the usual gym, gym, poker night (I don’t drink when I gamble), maybe I’ll cash in some of the restaurant gift cards I got for the holiday.

Ugh I can’t write tonight, this week has just sucked. It's 10:24 and I have no hope of sleeping tonight. WTF am I supposed to do?