UPDATE

Things are going well – I’m sleeping well most nights now and I haven’t been drinking alone at all. It feels like just writing about my problems has helped. It doesn’t appear 'sober February' is going to happen but at least I’m remaining social with my drinking. All 3 nights I’ve been out this week have been with family or friends and I haven’t gotten out of control by any means.

I could use a little more structure in my nights but so far I’ve been doing OK.
I was thinking about getting some baseball tickets this year, it would give me something to do at least ½ the time and I won’t drink at the games because it’s too expensive.

If I can do that + find 1 or 2 other nights to keep busy maybe I can get down to a few days a month.

Slowly making progress...

We’ll I’m back. My business trip went pretty well, I didn’t drink too much though the west coast time shift did nothing to help my insomnia. I kept sleeping from 6pm to midnight that going out gambling and having a few drinks until 4-5am than sleeping a bit more.

The time since I’ve returned has been improved so far, I’ve only had one slip up but it wasn’t a night I drove. The past few days I’ve managed to sleep with out pills or booze and I’ve been sleeping A LOT. In fact today I pretty much slept all day today. Partially because I’m tired but also because I really had no reason to get out of bed and that is a bit depressing.

The week ahead should be easy, we’ve been having some bad weather here on the east coast so that should keep me grounded from the bars through the weekend. Also I’ve found some house projects to work on as well.

With February right around the corner I’m considering making a run at a dry month, 28 days of no booze. I think I can do it if I find things to keep my mind occupied. My goal is to get to the point where I can have a drink or two and than just stop. Maybe if I just have 1 glass on wine before bed I can get by.

Overall January isn’t looking too bad. I may have managed to cut down to only drinking 14 out of 31 days. I only drank alone once, and I only drove twice. I also managed to twice to go to a bar for dinner and NOT order a drink. I think that’s huge, not exactly a hallmark moment but it’s a start.

Step in the Right Direction

This week was pretty good, I was twice able to go out and drink socially with out stopping at another bar on the way home or drinking more once I got to the house. I did slip up once of Friday, coming home to take out a 6 pack after a family dinner. Not sure why I did that but by my standards ‘only’ having a 6 pack of domestic beer isn’t that bad. Lesson learned though – I paid the hangover toll from drinking that cheap crap.

I think the key this week was actually drinking socially. Too often I go out alone which leads to talking to no one but the bartender who can’t bring me more drinks fast enough. Tues & Wednesday I went out with friends and spent more time talking than drinking. I left the bar generally happy which seemed to equal not stopping for another drink or FIVE on the way home. Also my favorite bar has changed a good bit of staff leading to me going there much less.

The insomnia is getting a bit better too, still using the sleeping pills but now only every other night. Tonight will be tough; Sundays always are, between the early day football drinking and the Monday work stress I think I’ll always be up (and BLOGGING!)

Next week won’t be easy, as I’ll be traveling for work. Alone in a strange city with a corporate expense account is recipe for disaster. My only saving grace is that I’ll be staying in a casino for most of the trip. Gambling is one of the few things in life I consistently do without drinking. If this place has a poker room I’ll probably stay sober the whole time, though if it’s just a slots barn I’ll be in real trouble.

Sounds crazy but I swear moving to Las Vegas or Atlantic City is the soberest decision I could ever make as long assuming my bank roll stayed intact.

Hopefully I can at least stay dry the next two days before I fly out of town.

About Last Week

I can’t tell you much about last week because I frankly don’t remember it. Not working was a disaster as I expected, I drank every night and my stupid plan to just order drink I don't like didn't work at all. When I woke up on New Year’s Eve I had my first legit craving for a drink in the morning. I resisted but my sleeping is getting horrible.

Without any structure in my week, I passed out and woke up at random hours, when I do sleep the quality is terrible. I end up wandering around the house all night. I tried some sleeping pills on New Year’s Night – the only day this week I didn’t drink and they didn’t work very well. Even after taking a double dose it still took me 2 ½ hours to fall asleep. I woke up twice during the night, once to eat and once around 8am. I forced myself back to sleep until 10am, which was the only quality sleep I felt like I got.

This week it's back to work, god forbid I ever lose my job. I have 10 days until a business trip, it would be nice to stay dry for those 10 days but shit is already starting to pop up. I’m hoping to start filling my life with more evening activities to keep me from going home and hitting the bottle. This week will probably be the usual gym, gym, poker night (I don’t drink when I gamble), maybe I’ll cash in some of the restaurant gift cards I got for the holiday.

Ugh I can’t write tonight, this week has just sucked. It's 10:24 and I have no hope of sleeping tonight. WTF am I supposed to do?

Not as planned…

This week wasn’t terrible but my plans to only drink on Sunday blew up pretty quickly. It’s started mid-week when a friend from out of town stopped over unexpectedly with some beer in hand. The beer was actually fine, but as always I kept on going after he left. I didn’t end up getting to bed until 3am and basically did nothing at work the next day because I actually had a mild hangover.
(That’s what I get for cutting back.)

With my plan already shot to hell and with Friday being a holiday I decided to head out Thursday, I did after all need to deliver my Christmas tips. A $20 at my sports bar and a $50 to my favorite hot weekend bartender, it made me realize I can get away with a ton of BS in those places so long as I drop the occasional 100-150% tip.

Friday I actually did well, had a glass of wine with dinner than actually managed to stop and go home sober. Of course I slept like crap and I’m paranoid about taking any sleep meds even if I’ve only had 1 drinks.

Christmas however, a day I planned on staying sober for, was a complete FAIL. I had a couple beers and the family gathering and went home to battle a bottle of Bacardi – I think it was a tie because we’re both still here. I was drinking out of boredom again. I still need to find something to fill my life.

Today was the usual, at least an oncoming snowstorm kept me local. But I passed out early again and am here fighting the insomnia, if it even is insomnia.

I have an uneasy feeling about the week ahead. My company is closed the week between Xmas & New Years would will lead to me having A LOT of free time and there is really only one place that will lead. At least New Year’s Eve is the one-day a year I actually take a cab home.

I did have a plan on ordering a beer or drink I can’t stand so I’ll drink slower, worth a shot right? I need to get the sleeping issue under control.

Cutting Back

My first week of cutting back went OK. Not perfect by any stretch but a solid start. Had there not been a company party during the week I probably would have made it 5 straight days without a drink. Friday was probably the toughest day as it’s a usual drinking night and I was really bored. I ended up just forcing myself to go to sleep early. I need to find something to do on Fridays to kill time other than go to the gym. I’ve noticed if I can make it until 10pm I’m pretty home free. I don’t typically start drinking later than that.

Saturday, I fell off a bit. I went to visit an old college friend, which was fine social drinking but it was enough to get me rolling. I ended up at the liquor store plunking down on a big bottle. I came home and watched a movie and ended up drinking in my room until I passed out. No hangover per usual. I kind of wish I got them.

Sunday, was a day I planned on drinking and it went OK. My problem continues to be stopping. I do OK at 1 bar and than feel the need to continue which usually gets me in to trouble or generally acting like as ass. The company party was fine, but I just had to go for another couple rounds after it was over. Same deal Sunday, football was fine but I just had to stop at another bar on my way home and have 4 more drinks. Again no hangover but here I am awake at 2am and I’ll probably be up all night. It’s seems when I pass out now it doesn’t last very long 3-4 hours MAX, usually less. Tonight I slept from 9 to midnight.

I’m not sure how to correct the extra bar stops. For now I’m just going to concentrate on cutting down the days. This week should be a mixed bag. I’ll be pre-occupied on Friday and Saturday with the holiday. I don’t’ drink around family. But at the same time I’ll probably get booze from people, which will raise temptation when I end up home alone at night.

So the official plan will be only drink on Sunday this week – possibly Thursday Night but only if I get Friday off. Monday – Wednesday should be easy.

After that will be new year’s eve which I have no idea how to handle. Last year was a debacle. Perhaps I’ll make that my drinking day for the week and spend Sunday at home. Right now my major plan is o take up my time is to working on my resume to find a new job and doing some house projects. Problem is whenever I finish a project I want to celebrate with a drink. And at this point 1 is all it takes to get the ball rolling.

So the Goal is cut down to 1 night a week, than maybe go a whole week.

Good Morning

A typical morning, I’ve slept well through my blaring alarm clock again and have no real recollection of how the previous night ended. I'm pretty much always blackout now, for some reason I feel guilty about it though I’ve never been able to figure out why. Since I’ve taken to drinking alone at home over the past few months there aren’t any victims of my haphazard behavior, save my dog the silent witness to my bumbling stupidity. I’m happy to see I remembered to let her back in before I passed out. She’s a good dog, knows to let me sleep when I smell of booze.

Today’s hangover is mild at worst, just some minor dehydration and some neck cramps from the awkward position I passed out in. Surprisingly I actually managed to put on proper sleeping attire, sweat shorts and a t-shirt. Far too often I wake up either still in my suit from the office or completely buck naked. I used to not make it to the bedroom, coming to in random rooms through out the house but lately I’ve been making it to the bed.

I look at the still blaring alarm clock to see how late I am for work, 10:02am –shit- they’re damn sure going to notice. I reach over to the hollowed out leather ottoman on to the right of my bed, I keep it filled with bottles of Gatorade to balance out the dehydration. I've yet to take to a.m. drinking. It looks like I’ve already opened one bottle during the night, I guess that explains why my hangover is only minor.

I’ve never been a fan of hangovers; luckily I don’t get them very often. It’s a shame maybe if I did I wouldn’t have become such a drunk. My father would always get them. I remember hearing him vomit every morning after a night at bars when I was a kid. Strange that never deterred me from drinking, just from sticking my head in toilets.

Rehydrated I jump into the shower with a mouth full of Listerine. It’s bad enough going in late it would be worse the go in late still smelling of rum. The shower is refreshing and after a few quick swipes of a razor and stick of deodorant I’m ready to pass a competent human being. Shirt tucked and tie straighted I grab my keys, my flask and my cellphone. Ready for work. I walk out the door to see the parking lot is full, one neighbor is mowing the lawn another is gardening while her kids play in the street.

FUCK – it’s Sunday.